Dr. Evan Parks—What are we supposed to do when we realize a leader whom we trust is actually insecure? Many times we are so surprised by what we see that we doubt our instincts. In fact, some insecure leaders are skilled at presenting themselves as confident and strong. How then can we tell when a leader is truly insecure? Look for these traits to put the pieces of the puzzle together and confirm your instincts.
1. Positive Traits
The most notable character trait of an insecure leader is that they are nice people. Many insecure leaders are loving, helpful, and good-natured when interacting with people. They are able to create a positive atmosphere in their organization through connecting well with people, remembering names, and helping. Kindness is not just for show, but it can be partly motivated by their need to get the positive responses that comes with being helpful.
2. Titles
It is important for an insecure leader to have a title or position. It really does not matter what the position or title refers to, rather that they have something next to their name. They often see themselves as uniquely qualified for their position and mention that when talking with others.
3. Easily Threatened
Once an insecure leader has a title and position, they are easily threatened by anything or anyone that might undermines their authority. They remind people, “You know, I am the director here.” When challenged with a legitimate question for which they have no clear answer, they feel attacked and unsupported.
4. Sensitive To Criticism
Everyone makes mistakes and no one is competent in every area of leadership. This means that we all benefit from feedback. After leading a difficult meeting or speaking at a large gathering, healthy leaders welcome input from others. Those who really do know more because of their age and experience give great feedback! An insecure leader sees this feedback as criticism. If they are good at covering up their reaction when hearing feedback, they might not show how upset they are. But an insecure leader will boil internally when they hear constructive feedback. Besides losing sleep over it, they will make their spouse miserable by venting to them about the unfair attacks they are receiving.
5. Need For Affirmation
There is only one thing worse for an insecure leader than getting negative feedback and this not getting any feedback at all. The insecure leader presents passionately during the quarterly meeting and after the meeting every rushes out to eat lunch without saying one positive thing to him about his presentation. It is days like this that an insecure leader wants to quit. They need ongoing positive feedback to keep afloat emotionally.
6. Resentful and Competitive
Because of their great need for affirmation, they are resentful of others on the team or staff that get recognition. When someone else is noticed by the organization and is mentioned in the newsletter, the insecure leader sees that person as competition. They are envious of the success of others. Insecure leaders generally do not want to partner or cooperate because they need to put themselves above others and achieve more success. Their favorite pastime is picking apart, making fun of, and criticizing the work and effort of leaders in similar roles to their own.
7. Lack of Awareness
A health leader is aware of their strengths and weakness and aware of the influence of their personal history and its impact on how they relate to others. An insecure leader is not aware and does not recognize limitations that are obvious to other people. Admitting to themselves their own weakness is very hard, but admitting weakness publicly is impossible. Most insecure leaders lack personal accountability and they do not seek it out. No one knows the struggles they have and they want to keep it that way.
8. Misuse of Authority
An insecure leader will misuse the authority they have and make other people’s lives difficult because of their lack of flexibility in handling problems. They can make heavy handed decisions, block people from contributing, and shutdown effective programs. Once their decision is questioned, the person doing the questioning is viewed as being critical and undermining.
9. Lack of Investment
The insecure leader finds it difficult to empower others to do the work or run projects on their own. The insecure leader feels a strong need to have a voice in every aspect of the organization, making other competent people feel controlled or ignored.
10. Anger
One sure way to spot an insecure leader is to watch what happens when their goals are blocked. Regardless of program, project, or event, there will always be unexpected things that happen which ruin well designed plans. A healthy leader knows and expects problems, but an insecure leader has no internal resources to handle setbacks and reacts with intense anger. They need to be successful, look good, and receive praise, and they view setbacks as a major barrier to their needs being met.
What are some the stories that you have interacting with insecure leaders? I am looking forward to hearing from you!
Wow Evan you hit the nail on the head… We have been under many people like this.. Pray for them as many others get hurt in their wake ..
It is very hard to work with this type of leader, in part of become not everyone under the insecure leader recognizes the leader’s problem. Those who do recognize it, are alarmed, but those who don’t defend the leader.
Thank you, Dr. Parks! But I have a question. Is it a sign of insecurity that when a leader sees a list of signs of insecurity he worries how many of those signs characterize him? I’m joking, but only a little. As one who has served in a leadership position, that’s exactly what happened when I saw your list. And, also likely a sign of insecurity, I found myself relieved that, as best I could discern, very few of your signs seem to describe me in a leadership capacity. Instead of being completely secure in the Father’s love, in Christ’s sufficiency and in the Spirit’s empowerment, I worry about whether or not I am exemplifying insecurity. And the most telling sign is that I’ve been out of the particular leadership position in question for almost 2 years. I’m worrying about insecurity in something that is completely in the past. That’s some serious insecurity.
I appreciate your comments! There is a universal element to insecurity that we can all identify with at some level. Our need to be aware of what is going on inside of us and recognizing when our insecurities start impacting our interactions with others is key to growing. Healthy leaders are able to keep pressing on and not allow the inner struggles they have hold them back from doing what is right or hard.
Wow…great post Dr. Evan. I found your website by typing in “signs of an insecure leader.” My husband and I are currently at church where the leadership is insecure and inconsistent (a double sword). How do we deal with insecure leaders? I personally just want to leave the church.