By Dr. Evan Parks—Everyone acts aggressively some of the time, but acting aggressively does not mean that someone has a manipulative personality. A person with an aggressive personality has a habitual style of relating to others that impacts all of their interactions, even when aggression is not necessary or evident in their behavior. This means that most acts of kindness and warmth demonstrated by an aggressive personality fit into a hidden agenda of manipulation and control over others.
Conscience
The choices we make become very important when problems occur in meeting our basic needs. How we respond to waiting for well-deserved recognition, waiting for the opportunity to lead, waiting for freedom to make decisions, and waiting for the reward of our hard work, will determine how our moral character develops. We want our needs met, and we want them met now. The problem is not our needs, but how we go about getting our needs met and how to respond when they are not met. If we make bad choices that go against our conscience and against what is beneficial for others, then our character and personality will be corrupted.
Corrupted Character
When decision after decision is made that goes against our conscience, the conscience eventually becomes corrupted. The warning lights that should go off when a person does something wrong are no longer flashing in that person’s mind.
Without exception, the corruption of the conscience begins in the private, undetected area of a person’s life. A small amount of tax that was owed is not paid. A white lie is told and never corrected. A small pack of gum is stolen and not returned. Over time, these choices have consequences. All of these small acts against the conscience eventually lead to the ability to do things that a person previously thought impossible to do, such as tell complete lies that cover up a sexual affair or steal large sums of money. Our needs have a great influence in our life. Good character comes from sacrifice, patience, and endurance when our needs our not met. Bad character develops when we are not willing to wait to have our needs met and we use manipulation and control to immediately get what we want.
The corrupted character of a person with an aggressive personality has these trademark characteristics of a broken conscience:
- People are possessions: Rather than seeing people as individuals with dignity, value, and worth, they see others as possessions. People are objects that are used and owned.
- Free of shame and guilt: The normal sense of embarrassment or guilt when we do something that is either a mistake (embarrassment) or that is truly wrong (guilt) is missing with the aggressive personality. The guilt they should feel for selfish behavior, upsetting others, or even breaking the law is absent.
- Self-centered thinking: The aggressive personality has one clear question they need to answer, “What is in it for me?” They can ignore social obligations and put their agenda before everything and everyone else.
- All-or-nothing thinking: When faced with the prospect of not getting what they want, they will reject anything that is less than ideal. If they cannot win, then they see themselves as losers. If they are not better than everyone, then they are terrible, and so are the people who are better than them.
- Inflated self-image: The aggressive personality has an extreme positive self-image. They see themselves as more intelligent, capable, and hardworking than other people. As a result of this thinking style, they see themselves as deserving of the status and recognition that go with their inherent greatness.
- Manipulative thinking: The aggressive personality can solve problems in their life by getting other people do their work for them. Nothing gives an aggressive person more pleasure than conning others into working long hours on their behalf.
- Lack of empathy: The aggressive person is not able to put himself in the life experience of others and understand their pain, emotional needs, or point of view. When they show remorse when confronted with wrongdoing, their remorse is for looking bad, not for the victim that they hurt.
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