Dr. Evan Parks—We would like confidence to come by understanding some key concept or be able to absorb confidence from reading a good book on the topic. Unfortunately, confidence is not a product of positive self-talk or encouragement from others. Confidence is earned, and earning confidence takes time.
The time it takes to become confident depends directly on the complexity of the task and how skilled we are at learning the task. Take learning a new language as an example. Having learned a foreign language as an adult, I can tell you from my experience that this task is not easy. It is complicated, and it takes time. Learning a language broke my pride and confidence, and required that I become humble, dependent, and childlike. I had to be willing to make thousands of mistakes to succeed. I had to push myself to go further when no one cared or noticed. Becoming confident in speaking a foreign language took years—it was earned by sustained effort, regular failure, and dedication.
A Complicated Task
The problem many people have when they enter a leadership position within an organization, business, or educational setting, is that they have very little idea of how tremendously complex leadership can be. Before a person becomes a leader, she may look at leadership as a child looks at parenting. A child imagines, “Wow, being a parent looks fun! If I were a parent, I could do whatever I wanted and make all the decisions.” Parenting is anything but simple! It is a complicated task that takes years to learn and understand.
When we are not in a leadership position, we can look at leadership as a privileged position that involves an easier life. True servant leadership is anything but easy. It involves sacrifice, investment, hardship, time, risk, energy, and the ability to bear the pain and suffering of others.
Why We Lack Confidence
There are three core elements of leadership. Servant leadership is a very complicated task. There is much to learn, and no knows nearly enough when they start leading; yet, it often escapes our notice that no one starts off in leadership ready for the job.
Because we cannot do all the tasks of leadership well, we lack confidence. It does not help us at all when we are told we need to be confident as leaders. You can see how the need for confidence, but lack of necessary skills, leads to a trap for the leader. He may think his lack of confidence is evidence of the inability to lead, which is not the case at all. He will have to lead, even though he does not feel confident, yet.
Leadership is complicated and takes times to learn because there are many elements to master. First, there are the tasks of the leader. A leader must be able to develop a vision, communicate that vision, shepherd, manage, learn, and carry the heavy load that comes with leadership. Secondly, the leader must master specific skills. He needs the skills of teaching, studying, decision-making, managing, motivating, and creative thinking. Finally, the leader must possess personal character traits and qualities. There is a long list of important qualities, but the core features of the leader are enthusiasm, inner peace, integrity, and emotional stability.
Having just looked briefly at the tasks of the leader, the skills of the leader, and qualities of the leader, can you think of any one person who entered a leadership position possessing all these traits and abilities? No one does! The worst leaders are those who do not recognize what they are they lacking in these three areas. Good leaders know what they are lacking, keep learning, and involve others to help them get the job done.
We lack confidence as we start leading, but lacking confidence is not a sign we are doing poorly, and it is not a reason to fake being confident. Confidence will come as we develop our skills and grow in our character, which takes time. When we lack confidence, we need to remind ourselves of three important things:
- The people we lead are important.
- The answers we have for the people we lead are important.
- We as leaders are important—our skills and character matter to the people we care about.
When we keep these statements in mind, we can find enough confidence to get through our hard days, knowing that our best and often flawed efforts to make a difference in the lives of others is worth the effort.
Let me know your story of finding confidence in leadership. I am looking forward to hearing from you!
